Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
