Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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