I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
