U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
