Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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