margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
