He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
