he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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