You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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