the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
