I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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