We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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