You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
