If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
