when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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