I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
