after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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