How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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