I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize