He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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