I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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