you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
