And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize