She's JV to your varsity
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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