If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
It was confusing and full of hummus
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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