I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
