So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We have so much sex to catch up on
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
