One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
