My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
