why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Randomize
