That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
