"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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