Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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