I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize