I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
