Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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