She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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