Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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