Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
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