i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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