FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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