Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
wanna go halves on a baby?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
