That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
