I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Edward fifth and chaser hands
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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