____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
