drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
