4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
two words: eviction party
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
