Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize