it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
