Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
