Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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