i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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