I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
