I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
