The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize