Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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