Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
