I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize