im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
