her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
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