What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
