How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
