Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
