i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
