I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
