just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
