I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
