We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
