I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
