I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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