ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
