i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
