the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I have fence marks all over my body
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
