but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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