no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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