but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
