i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
