Fine. I'll sleep in my office
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Pooping to opera.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
