she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
