your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
