No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
