Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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