if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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