If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
