community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
