You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
