I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
