Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
