Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
