You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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