She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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