You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
