My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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