this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
