We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
