Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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